outside in

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a pig, in a cage, on antibiotics.

poem, music, cinematography and editing all by me.

explanation: its sort of about vices, and how I see people smoke and drink and tell myself ill never do that, and yet I still have a very big vice of my own which is sitting behind my computer and isolating myself, convincing myself I'm better off this way and building up a fake personality online so I'm more likeable. in the video I called this having a wall around you, because it means that no one can actually know what my true self is, they can just see the wall. in the video this was coupled with the shots of me locking my door, shutting my blinds and looking/going outside only at night-time when no ones around. Then later it starts talking about myself merging with another person physically; their ribcage locking with mine, their eyes touching mine, living inside each others bodies, and our skin going inside out, which is to symbolise that not only has my wall been broken down, but that I've been able to trust someone so much that I'll share every single honest thought I have with them, rather than faking my personality. Even though it sounds extremely gruesome, having my skin go inside out and outside in, this situation is preferable to the other because I can see the other person's thoughts, and they can see mine. The part about "yesterday's coward spits on my wounds" as in someone else seeing the mangled mess of our bodies merging together and being outwardly disgusted, now doesn't affect me, because "I can see his thoughts" and I know that he's still living a worse life than me. "Tomorrows lover screams for help" is about the woman I love that's living inside my body, as in when our bodies first start to merge, it's terrifying, but later on she'll be happier than ever because we can see each other's thoughts. The shot of the blood in the bowl with ice shows that I've had to put a bloody hand in their to soothe it, after punching my wall repeatedly, which is something I used to do to get my aggression out but don't anymore. Then basically it ends with more gross descriptions of our body merging together, but juxtaposes those descriptions by again stating that inside our mass of bodies, we truly love and understand each other and are living better lives despite our disfigurement. Most of this premise came to me in a nightmare about husband and wife that were on the verge of a divorce, but ended up having the same thing happen to them, and their marriage was saved because seeing each others honest thoughts was all they needed; actual communication without any egos or fear holding them back from saying what they feel.

JJJreact