Am I Being Myself in My Friendships?

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Hi everyone.

Today I want to share a beautiful and thought-provoking passage on friendship from a book called What It Takes to Be Free by Darius Foroux. The book explores freedom in all its forms—mental, emotional, social—and the chapter I’m focusing on today is titled "Social Obligations."

This passage resonated deeply with me, especially during a time when I was learning to be truly myself within my friendships. It gave me the permission to say no—to social events that didn’t feel right, to friendships that weren’t genuine—and to do so with confidence and without guilt. That’s why I felt it was worth sharing with you.

So here’s the passage:

“When you feel obligated to say yes to a friend, or like you have to act a certain way to be accepted, you’re not free. True freedom is being able to do what you want—and be who you are. Can you say that when you're around your friends? Too often, the answer is no.

When your friends are disappointed that you can’t join a night out because you’re working on your goals, or when they ignore your preferences to meet in places you’re uncomfortable with, they’re not accepting you for who you are—they’re asking you to fit in.

And I don’t believe in that kind of fitting in. The truth is, you probably have different values.

Let me share a story...

A while ago, a friend invited our small WhatsApp group to his birthday. He dropped a casual message, “Hey guys, it’s my birthday next weekend. Let me know if you’re coming.”

The next day, one of the guys posted something unrelated—about Calvin Klein boxers being on sale. No one responded to the birthday message, not out of malice, just out of distraction. That’s how the group often was: goofy, lighthearted.

Two days later, the friend who invited us was hurt and left the group. He didn’t ask why we hadn’t responded. He just exited.

I had a tough week myself and could have explained, but he didn’t want to hear it. And honestly? I don’t get it. Just because I didn’t reply for two days doesn’t mean I don’t care or won’t come.

But that moment shifted things. The group dynamic changed. It got quieter. And strangely... I didn’t mind. I’d rather spend time with people who get me. Who don’t expect constant performance.

I think of my best friend Derek—we’ve been friends since elementary school. We live in different cities, lead very different lives. He lives simply. I’m ambitious and building something. But we accept each other fully. No pressure, no expectations. That’s what friendship should feel like.

So here’s the truth: bad friends aren’t bad people—they’re just not the right friends for you. And that’s okay. We live in a free world. We can choose how we spend our time.

So much of our frustration comes from time spent with people we don’t share values with—out of obligation. But real friendship doesn’t demand that.

As Jim Morrison once said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” That includes whatever you’re feeling at the moment. That’s what real love amounts to: letting a person be what they truly are.”

I hope this brings you a sense of clarity, comfort, and empowerment—especially if you've ever questioned whether you're allowed to be fully yourself in your friendships.

Because real freedom in friendship is being yourself—and when you find that, you also find true connection.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear from you.
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Thanks for being here. Until next time. 💛

Hi, my name is Bijal Shah and I am a bibliotherapist and founder of Book Therapy (a bibliotherapy and literary curation practice). I'm also the author of the book, Bibliotherapy: The Healing Power of Reading ().

I curate book prescriptions and provide online training in bibliotherapy, as well as offer bibliotherapy sessions. More detail of this can be found on my website, www.booktherapy.io.

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