
And yeah, 4 years of not performing really gets to you. I went last in the program, so I spent most of the time waiting being nervous and low-key panicking. Add to that the fact that I just relearned "This Game" 4 days prior with Animenz's new verse 2, and you can see why this was set up to be a catastrophe.
Oh, and I memorized Chopin's Ballade in F minor that week too and played it first. Lots of last minute things thrown together only partially my fault.
I've decided that I'll take most opportunities to perform live since it's such a cool experience, so despite my lack of preparedness (and lack of anticipation in being in the program), I agreed to play.
The Ballade went decent for something I just finished learning. However, what got me was that I had totally forgotten the feeling of numbness that I get in my fingers whenever I get nervous and perform for an audience. The inability to feel the keys quickly leads to low-grade panic as I begin to second-guess everything that I'm playing. Typically enough performance practice smooths over the transition back to normalcy, but without that, this experience was quite an interesting one to say the least.
And then enter This Game. The audience clapped after the Ballade, which was expected but still a foreign experience since people typically only clapped for me when I stood up to bow. That and riding the energy off the end of the Ballade, I didn't compose myself for long enough and started too quickly.
That of course led to a massive memory flip in the first verse, from which I don't think I recovered throughout the rest of the performance. And it was still too fast.
But, suffice it to say that the ending was at least strong and energetic, and people liked it, so I guess I survived? Anyways, it just reminded me that I need to practice performing a whole lot more, which I might do this summer either on stream or elsewhere.
And yeah, if it's any encouragement to you, I make mistakes too and I'm human too, sometimes in spectacular fashion. Fortunately there's always a next time, and next time I can do better (and this was pretty funny too lol).
So, until next time everyone,
- Watt
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