
"I'll be fine in like an hour," he insisted the night before. "We can still leave for our road trip to Colorado tomorrow morning."
Marcus was the type of guy who prided himself on being tough and in control. He'd bragged about not getting drunk easily, never getting sick, and generally being immune to things that affected other people.
Two hours later, a sweet elderly nurse named Dorothy wheeled Marcus out in a wheelchair, and I could immediately tell that his theory about anesthesia resistance was completely wrong.
His eyes were glazed over, his mouth was stuffed with gauze, and he was making weird smacking sounds with his lips while staring up at the fluorescent lights like they were the most fascinating things he'd ever seen.
She helped me get him into the passenger seat of my car, and the moment she closed the door, Marcus turned to me with the most serious expression I'd ever seen on his face.
"Sarah," he said, his words slurred but his tone completely earnest. "I love you. I love you so much."
This was significant because we'd been dancing around the L-word for weeks. Marcus was typically the strong, silent type who showed affection through actions rather than words.
Then he grabbed my hand with both of his and said, "Will you marry me? Please? I have it all planned out. We'll get a dog and a house with a big kitchen because you love to cook."
He asked me to marry him six more times during the ten-minute drive to get food, each proposal more elaborate than the last. At one point, he tried to pull out his gauze to "speak more clearly for this important moment," and when I told him to stop, he looked at me with genuine surprise.
"Man, this chick is bossy," he said to no one in particular. "I like that about her though."
Marcus then announced that he wanted a milkshake. I suggested McDonald's, and he screamed "NO!" so loudly that I jumped.
I tried Dairy Queen. "NO!"
Wendy's. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
Finally, I suggested this local ice cream place, and he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Perfect! I know exactly how to get there. I'll be your navigator."
Marcus proceeded to give me the most confident, detailed directions I'd ever heard. "Turn left here. Now go straight for exactly seven blocks. Turn right at the big tree."
Fifteen minutes later, we were in a residential neighborhood I'd never seen before, completely lost.
"Marcus," I said gently, "do you actually know where we're going?"
He looked around with genuine confusion. "I have absolutely no idea where we are or where we're supposed to be going. But I'm having a great time!"
I used GPS to find the actual ice cream place, and we finally made it to the drive-thru. As we waited in line, Marcus started rummaging around in his jacket pocket with a mysterious smile.
"I have something special for you," he said, his eyes twinkling with what I thought was romantic intention.
Given that he'd been proposing to me for the past hour, I genuinely thought he might have bought me a ring.
"They let me keep them!" he announced proudly, opening a small container to reveal four bloody, extracted wisdom teeth. "I want you to have them. They're a symbol of my love."
I stared at the teeth in horror. "Marcus, those are your teeth."
"Exactly! They were part of me, and now I want them to be part of you. It's romantic!"
I finally got Marcus back to his apartment and into bed, where he sat happily eating his vanilla milkshake with a spoon, completely oblivious to the fact that half of it was dripping down his chin.
His mouth was still packed with gauze, his face was swollen, and he had dried blood at the corners of his mouth, but he looked absolutely content.
"Sarah," he said, looking at me with those same glazed but sincere eyes, "can I have a kiss? Just a little one?"
I leaned over and gave him the gentlest peck on his unswollen cheek.
We're married now.