So I came across this shareware video editor recently called VideoPad:
Despite it's lack of visual effects, I think it's a pretty decent alternative to Windows Movie Maker. And as you can see in this video, I think I found the best thing about this editor already.
It lets you stretch out clips to 1% of their original speed (which I'm assuming would equal 1000% as a result) while retaining it's audio pitch. And holy crap, it makes hotel mario sound like the ambience to some sci-fi horror movie or something!
And yes, I know I've been mostly been uploading fillers and such lately, but I hope to upload a new full-length poop sometime soon.