reddit storytimes

Подробнее о видео

My 12-year-old son Marcus is a GENIUS. Not the good kind... the TERRIFYING kind that makes you question everything you thought you knew about parenting.
Last month, I started noticing my wallet was always empty. Not stolen... just... mysteriously light. Every morning I'd check it and think, "Didn't I have a twenty in here?"
Then Marcus would casually ask for lunch money. "Dad, can I have five bucks? Please?" With those BIG puppy dog eyes that could melt steel.
Of course I'd give it to him! He's my kid! But something felt... OFF.
The truth came out when my wife found a BUSINESS PLAN in his backpack. Written in crayon. With PIE CHARTS.
"Marcus's Lunch Money Acquisition Strategy - Phase 1: Operation Dad Wallet"
I KID YOU NOT... this little criminal mastermind had been studying my routine! He knew I always put my wallet on the kitchen counter at exactly 6:15 PM. He knew I'd check it the next morning while half-asleep and drinking coffee.
So what did he do? He'd sneak downstairs after I went to bed and BORROW a twenty. Not steal... BORROW. Then he'd wait for me to ask where my money went, act all innocent, and I'd give him lunch money anyway!
But HERE'S the kicker... he was PUTTING THE MONEY BACK the next day! He'd take $20, get $5 lunch money from me, spend $3 on actual lunch, and return the original $20 with $2 PROFIT!
He was basically running a LOAN SHARK operation... on his own father!
When I confronted him, he just shrugged and said, "Dad, you never count your money properly anyway. I was helping you budget!"
HELPING ME BUDGET?! This kid was 12 and already understanding cash flow better than me!
But wait... it gets WORSE.
Turns out "Phase 1" was just the beginning. I found "Phase 2" hidden under his mattress like some kind of financial criminal.
"Operation Grandpa's Guilt Trip"
He'd been calling my DAD every Sunday, not to chat... but to casually mention how he was "saving up for lunch money because Dad's been really stressed about bills lately."
My own father had been VENMO-ing Marcus $20 every week out of guilt! And Marcus never told me!
Then there was "Phase 3: The Tooth Fairy Investment Scheme"
Remember when kids lose teeth and get money? Well, Marcus had been SAVING his loose teeth for MONTHS. Not putting them under his pillow... saving them in a little BOX.
Then he'd plant them strategically around the house and "find" them the next morning. "Oh wow, look! Another tooth fell out!" And I'd give him tooth fairy money!
The kid had been RECYCLING his teeth for MONTHS! I'd paid for the same molar FOUR TIMES!
When I finally sat him down and asked, "Marcus, WHY all the scheming? I would have just given you lunch money if you asked!"
He looked at me dead serious and said, "Dad, asking for money is boring. This was way more FUN! Plus, I learned about business!"
BUSINESS?! He learned about FRAUD!
But you know what? I was secretly... proud? This kid had outsmarted me using STRATEGY and PLANNING. He'd created multiple revenue streams, understood profit margins, and even had customer service skills with Grandpa!
So I made him a deal. "Marcus, how about you use these skills for GOOD instead of evil? I'll pay you for actual chores."
He thought about it for exactly three seconds and said, "Can I charge interest if you're late paying me?"
I'm raising a tiny Gordon Gekko... and honestly? I'm not even mad about it anymore.