![](https://ruslar.me/mobile/static/img/info.png)
friends, i wanted to share a bit about this video and song.
firstly, i apologize for the religious tone of the song. i know it can make some people uncomfortable, but it just felt right at the time making it.
every instrument, sound, video clip, everything was created by me.
about the video: for whatever reason i decided it would be a good idea to go out and film this today, and it was 90 degrees. some of you may know about my health issues, my MS. not even close to the first location i felt as if i would faint. when i get even half a degree above body temp, i begin to get dark spots and blindness in my vision. this was the worst it had ever been, i wasn't sure if i would even make it home. i haven't felt this legitimately afraid in a long time. wearing so much dark clothing, i had to stop and sit on the ground many times, with heatwaves going over my body, till eventually i had to take off my shirt. every bit of me and my clothes, backpack etc; was drenched in sweat. i know for most people, sweating a bunch, and being in hot conditions feels amazing, but because of my MS, it is highly advised against. i usually sleep with 2 fans on me just to keep from overheating, and thats indoors! there is no reason to even share this information with anyone, it doesn't make the video or the song any more impactful, i just thought it would be interesting to know after seeing the video, that despite the video being calm, i felt like i was melting. i tried my best to make something that felt as massive and religious as the song feels to me. i hope you guys like it, even though its not what anyone comes for. i know most of you guys like my ambient, but that music just doesn't hold a significance to me. i'm very glad it helps so many of you though.
this is definitely a strange song from the "nothing is real" albums, but the lyrics have been ever playing in my mind lately with the current issues i'm facing, realizing that the people i trusted for the last few years turned out to only be pretending to be my friend, to squeeze information and sounds out of me. it's a level of betrayal i never imagined id experience. i’ll never understand how artists today can feel okay with other people writing music for them, and taking credit for it. its just so fake to me and defeats the purpose of the magic of music, the magic of expression and creativity. the “nothing is real” albums mean a lot of things to me, but in the case of this song, it’s a direct defiance to those who only create for greed and selfishness. i think music is medicine, and has been there for me thru the darkest times of my life. this location in the video is special to me, because i have not come here for years. the last time i was here was with a friend i used to skateboard with, but he died in a car crash. it wasn’t my friend jacob, this was yet another friend who had died. i haven’t been back since. it never felt right, when i decided to finally make a video for this song, as meaningful as it is to me, it felt time to revisit this location and catch a glimpse of those memory’s of when he was alive. but anyways, the greed and selfishness of some artists in this world, while it does upset me, it's also motivating to try even harder to not be a terrible person like that, to the people who are nice to me. for me, music should be about healing, and emotions. there are people who pretend to struggle, and pretend to be depressed and create simply to profit. to me that is manipulating the wonderful people who take the time to listen, and i don’t want to be apart of anything that disgusting. anyways. thank you all for listening, and if you read this far, you are a true gamer. big love. - mhie
album: