After You (A Depersonalization Anthem)

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Since a was a child, I’ve felt disconnected from reality in a lot of different ways. I couldn’t understand social interactions, especially when talking to more than 1 person, I never felt connected with some sort of group or “whole”, I had to jump from one thing to another never linking the two of them. I had a life changing experience when I was about 16, this fear and sense of distance began to increase to the point where I was no longer myself, but a thing looking from far behind my eyes, where reality looked like a small box enclosed by a vast black nothingness. My sense of touch and bodily sensations were clogged and jammed together in some sort of sensatory highway. Where sometimes I didn’t feel a single thing, but then all the sudden everything came streaming together in a single capsule. I had some sort of panic attacks when playing music and guitar, as what would happen is that I would be playing something and then stopped feeling, but I could still see my self and hear my self-playing, after a couple of seconds, I would feel all the notes that I played and all the movements in a single burst. It hurt. Like if it was trying to catch up with time by arriving faster and harder, I could feel every single digit hammering. I felt dizzy, my hearth about to explode.

I learned quite a lot from this and worked to transform it into a useful skill.
I also learned not to assume what people’s reality is like, you wont ever know, as close as you might get to know someone, you can only imagine.

For those moments of loneliness, lucidness and euphoric depression, I made this piece.


Share this and take some time to notice others, feel connected, grateful.


If you made it this far, thanks for your time!